Freaky Me - Part 2

I practice my evil laughter in the shower.

I know most people sing, some people plan out their day, and others just silently scrub-a-dub.

Me?

Listen, you never know when your evil plot for world domination will come to fruition. You have no freaking clue if the dolphins you've trained to plant gps scramblers in coves and cays all over the world will finally develop some work ethic. You cannot see the future.

I want to prepare myself. So, yes, I practice my cackles and maniacal guffaws whilst exfoliating my elbows.

I bet you're just thinking of the miniscule 'hand-wringing' most villains utilize, but I feel like if I just did it while washing my hands, it would kind of be boring. But a good, hearty, long-lasting chortle with a pumice stone in your hand, buffing your heels to tender foot meat (there are only so many words I can think of right now) will solidify your alpha position in this world.

Also, it makes you feel really good- like, really, really good- about yourself. There's just something about it.

But family, roommates, and significant others passing the bathroom door tend to get a bit nervous, so be sure to have a back story, just in case.

"My vote for American Idol made a difference."